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While at a convention I ran accross the book, "The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities" by Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszt (a pseudonym of Janet Hardy), and realized someone had written just what I believed in my heart; that it was possible to be free in my sexual behaviour while still maintaining an ethical standard. Before attempting anal penetration, be sure you are comfortable,relaxed and at a very heightened state of arousal, ready to orgasm. Sexual Health studies advise MUCH clit stimulation while learning to relax for anal penetration. Also, this stimulation should be performed by YOU or someone who is fully aware of how you like it. Once you are there, ready to explode, your mind and body is ready for just about ANYTHING and the discomfort that at first accompanies anal penetration, you will welcome. Sooo, get that clit hard & ready, use PLENTY of purchased lube, have your partner loosten you up with his fingers (fingers are more gentle than toys) once he slides in, take a deep breath, relax and don't freak when you feel the discomfort caused by the many nerve endings it doesn't last long at all. Allow yourself to orgasm through your clit stimulation and ENJOY! If you orgasm quickly after entry, it's okay to have him remove his penis. Remember, this is a new experience and may take several attempts as well as a patient partner to get you to the point of total enjoyment and full orgasm by anal penetration alone.
Seeing your spouse pleasuring and being pleasured by someone else can be a real eye opener, it can be difficult the first time. I agree that as a couple you should not be looking for something better than what you have in your relationship together but you must prepare yourselves for the reactions that you will see in your spouse/partner from the pleasures of a possible new technique by an added swinging partner. In making love together there are times, depending on your sexual positions that you cannot see the expressions of your spouse. Prepare yourselves for these expressions when seeing him/her with an added partner. One enhancement while swinging that my husband loves is that he has the opportunity to see me fully in positions with others, allowing him to see ALL of my expressions that maybe he has missed when he and I are alone making love together. Do not expect to be totally comfortable the first time but if swinnging is for you, you will continue to look toward your next experience.
Stranger in a Strange Land by Robert Heinlein published in 1961, won the 1962 Hugo Award This was the first book I ever read that had swingers in it. Well, it wasn't called swinging, but the orgies and communal living certainly inspired the generation who decided to throw off the shackles of conventional sexuality. It is considered to be the most socially influential book ever written by Robert Heinlein. The main character, Valentine Michael Smith was the child of the first Mars expedition. The crew died on Mars and he was raised by Martians. When he returns to Earth in his twenties, he is human in appearance, but culturally an alien. His otherworldly views and experiences take a hard look at human behavior. It asks why do we do the things we do and should we continue in the same way. Politics, religion, sexuality, marriage are all examined through alien eyes. The book actually spawned a pagan church. It made me think about what I do and why I do it. When I read it, I was still in a very narrow minded church. Though I continued in the religion another 15 years, it did change how I looked at religion. I decided that religion was like being made into a bonsai tree. My essential nature could not be changed. A maple is a maple is a maple. What I hoped was that the strictures and limitations of my church could be used to concentrate and distill my essence into something beautiful. Most Swinger clubs do not allow males to attend without a female partner. Some however do allow males to attend solo on certain nights only. I advise you to never have preconceived expectations of sexual encounters when attending any swinging function. More than likely you will leave unhappy. Attend to meet and mingle with others and if a sexual experience happens, COOL. Becoming a swinger in most instances will not deplete your sexual frustrations overnight, actually it may take time and patience to connect with added partners.
Swingers sex activities are as variable and multi-faceted as swingers are. Exhibitionists enjoy having sex with others while their partner watches. Voyeurs are aroused by watching their partners have sex with other people. Some encounters may only include kissing and caressing. Some include oral activities, many involve penetrative sex. A good experience is based on willingness to be honest in your communication and honoring whatever you negotiate.
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